Legends #3: Prince Harry

Prince Harry, son of Diana, princess of Wales and James Hewitt Prince Charles of Wales is 3rd in line to the throne of the United Kingdom, 16 commonwealth realms and a total fucking legend.

It’s difficult to pin down exactly why he’s a legend, no wait actually it isn’t. He’s a legend because despite being 3rd in line to the throne, many people in the UK wish he was first. And what has he done to deserve this honour? Caused controversy of course. I guess the Royal family really need to be seen setting an example for the rest of the country, a prestigious image is very important and so is damage control – especially when Prince Harry’s around. In this respect the young prince has quite clearly learned a few things from Prince Phillip, an obvious candidate for being the second royal to make this list but by no means the last.

When he’s not nailing Chelsea Davy, Prince Harry spends much of his spare time smoking dope, beating up the paparazzi, getting completely bollocksed and dressing up as a member of the Third Reich. And can you believe it, the Royal family frown upon such behaviour? And perhaps it is the last of those stunts that earned Harry the most controversy in the press, he went to an African colonial and native themed party and forgot to dress up dressed as a member of the Afrika Korps. Somehow this managed to offend the Jewish community and the entire left-wing media who for some reason who demanded that Harry apologise. His father proceeded to go ballistic and insisted he visit Auschwitz. Now all this aside, I personally feel this is the kind of bullshit we have to put up with these days. Ok so the costume he wore was in poor taste given the history that is associated with it but once again the press does what it does best – create a mountain out of a molehill. This was a slap on the wrist offense at best, not a media circus. It was fucking costume party for fucks sake! Being the sort of complete and utter bastard I am, had I been in his shoes I would have probably have responded to the press by insisting that I’d naively thought Auschwitz was a Jewish holiday shortly before recommending they read some of the most excellent books by David Irving. Now that would have been a legitimate reason for people to get so pissed off. Alas even Harry isn’t that much of a legend and given the way the press reacted to the costume this would presumably have triggered some sort of interstellar war. So after visiting Auschwitz the poor kid was shipped off into the army where from all counts he served with distinction by flirting with female pilots, betting people obscene amounts of money, playing cards and occasionally doing some soldier stuff as well. And that ladies and gentlemen is why Prince Harry is a legend.