“There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.” - Hunter S. Thompson

Another 48 hours of my life about to disappear

Will post a review if it's any good. 

Diane Arkenston - Skin 2 Skin

Legends #6: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a former bodybuilder, former model, former actor, former governor of California, former politician, former husband of Maria Shriver and a complete and total and absolute undisputed fucking epic mega legend.

Born in Thal, Austria on July 30, 1947 to a former SS Officer, you might have thought that Arnold wasn't an obvious candidate for president of the United States but this didn't prevent him from pursuing that job anyway. After all, he is a brilliant, sensitive man known for his gentle dulcet voice, mastery of English, and the subtle sophistication of his humour. Obviously he should have pursued office.

His meteoric rise to fame can be traced to 1967 when he won the Mr Universe title. He also went on to win Mr Olympia seven times. After leaving his career bodybuilding, Arnie decided instead to become one of the world's best actors. He was eminently qualified to be so regarded playing such challenging roles as a huge silent robot with no emotions and a poor grasp of English, Arnie is also known for his subtlety, quick wit and is thus widely regarded as one of the greatest living thespians.

To his credit he did go on to star is some great movies including Predator, True Lies, The Running Man, Red Heat, Commando, Raw Deal, Last Action Hero, Conan the Barbarian, some of the best movies ever made: Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day and Total Recall and some of the worst movies ever made: Hercules in New York, Twins, Junior and Batman & Robin.

In 2003 Arnold decided it was high time that he left his movie career behind and focused on more important matters like his lifelong dream of being president of the United States. To this end he became governor of California and has on occasion been praised for his forward-looking political views, especially his admiration for Adolf Hitler and modest desire to be a dictator (neither of which he made any secret about in Pumping Iron).

After leaving office earlier this year having failed in his quest to get the American Constitution amended so he could take over the country, Arnie decided to return to acting. Things seemed to be going well until the recent scandal broke. I have to say that being a life long fan of this man, I do in recent days feel slightly disillusioned. Not because he cheated so much because lets face it, everyone knew Arnold was a philandering womanising bastard long before the recent love child scandal. I feel disillusioned because he fathered that child with someone who is quite probably the ugliest woman alive. And this is how we know he never became a true Kennedy despite marrying JKF's niece because JFK at least cheated on his uber hot wife with even hotter women like Marilyn Monroe. Arnold on the other hand cheated on Maria Shriver with a woman called Mildred Baena.

It was once also reported by a woman who worked with him who has alleged that, one day on set, she went to fetch Schwarzenegger from his trailer when a shot became possible earlier than expected, only to discover him performing oral sex on a woman she didn't recognize. He looked up and explained: "Eating isn't cheating."

It's difficult to know exactly what Arnie said to Maria when he realised their marriage was about to end, however it could have been any one of the following things:

• "It has to end heah."
• "Consider dat a divorce."
• "Talk to da hand"
• "what the FACK did I do wrong!?!"
• "You should clone yourself... so you can go fuck yourself."
• "I'm not a pervert. I was just looking for Turbo Man doll."
• And of course, "Hasta la vista, baby!"

I suspect that Mildred Baena is only going to be the first of many women to come forward admitting they had an affair with Arnold. I seriously think before long it will emerge that Arnie is actually an Austrian reincarnation of Genghis Khan. Can you actually imagine how fucking epic this scandal would have been if he'd been president? Legendary. Is there even any doubt?

How awesome does this look?

Super 8 (2011)

In 1979 in Ohio, a group of teenagers are making a movie with Super 8 mm film when they witness a train crash. They suspect it was not an accident. There are disappearances and unexplained events around town, and the local deputy investigates the cause of the events.

This film smells a lot to me like classic 80s family sci-fi e.g. E.T., Flight of the Navigator, Cocoon etc. The trailer even uses music cues from the films E.T. and Cocoon. My guess is I will probably love this film especially since it’s from J.J.Abrams who directed Lost and Star Trek.

Written and directed by J.J.Abrams and produced by Steven Spielberg. Can it possibly even fail? Released on 5th August 2011.

The Four Horsemen of the Anti-Apocalypse

An open letter to Messrs. Dawkins, Dennett, Harris and Hitchens
By Michael Shermer

Since the turn of the millennium, a new militancy has arisen among religious skeptics in response to three threats to science and freedom: (1) attacks against evolution education and stem cell research; (2) breaks in the barrier separating church and state leading to political preferences for some faiths over others; and (3) fundamentalist terrorism here and abroad. Among many metrics available to track this skeptical movement is the ascension of four books to the august heights of the New York Times best-seller list — Sam Harris’s Letter to a Christian Nation (Knopf, 2006), Daniel Dennett’s Breaking the Spell (Viking, 2006), Christopher Hitchens’s God Is Not Great (Hachette Book Group, 2007) and Richard Dawkins’s The God Delusion (Houghton Mifflin, 2006) — that together, in Dawkins’s always poignant prose, “raise consciousness to the fact that to be an atheist is a realistic aspiration, and a brave and splendid one. You can be an atheist who is happy, balanced, moral and intellectually fulfilled.” Amen, brother.

Whenever religious beliefs conflict with scientific facts or violate principles of political liberty, we must respond with appropriate aplomb. Nevertheless, we should be cautious about irrational exuberance. I suggest that we raise our consciousness one tier higher for the following reasons.

1. Anti-something movements by themselves will fail. Atheists cannot simply define themselves by what they do not believe. As Austrian economist Ludwig von Mises warned his anti-Communist colleagues in the 1950s: “An anti-something movement displays a purely negative attitude. It has no chance whatever to succeed. Its passionate diatribes virtually advertise the program they attack. People must fight for something that they want to achieve, not simply reject an evil, however bad it may be.”

2. Positive assertions are necessary…

3. Rational is as rational does. If it is our goal to raise people’s consciousness to the wonders of science and the power of reason, then we must apply science and reason to our own actions. It is irrational to take a hostile or condescending attitude toward religion because by doing so we virtually guarantee that religious people will respond in kind…

4. The golden rule is symmetrical. In the words of the greatest conscious­ness raiser of the 20th century, Mart­in Luther King, Jr., in his epic “I Have a Dream” speech: “In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrong­ful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.” If atheists do not want theists to prejudge them in a negative light, then they must not do unto theists the same.

5. Promote freedom of belief and disbelief. A higher moral principle that encompasses both science and religion is the freedom to think, believe and act as we choose, so long as our thoughts, beliefs and actions do not infringe on the equal freedom of others. As long as religion does not threaten science and freedom, we should be respectful and tolerant because our freedom to disbelieve is inextricably bound to the freedom of others to believe.
As King, in addition, noted: “The marvellous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.”

Rational atheism values the truths of science and the power of reason, but the principle of freedom stands above both science and religion.

Orbital - Halcyon On and On

The wise sage returns

Aron Ra issues an interesting challenge to creationists.

What the hell film is this from?

Been doing my head in all day.

“That' boy’s alive. I can feel it in my bones.”

Or words to that effect.

The Zavikon Islands

The island on the left is in Canada, the one on the right is in the United States. the smaller island contains the ‘backyard’ of the house on the larger island.

The result is the shortest international bridge in the world.

The difference between America and England

Even though we both speak the same language, it's amazing how there are some subtle differences between American-English and proper English:

They say "sidewalk" we say "pavement"

They say "pants" we say "trousers"

They say "buried at sea" we say "naked and chained to a metal bed frame with a car battery connected to his bollocks whilst being beaten for answers".

Legends #5: Ted Haggard

Ted Haggard is a heterosexual, non gay, crystal meth using, creationtard pastor and head of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. And a legend.

Haggard once made a very lucrative living from preaching about the evils of homosexuality and selling places in heaven. After a year long hiatus during which time Haggard temporarily transferred careers and instead encouraged people to invest in pyramid schemes, Haggard returned to his career selling places in heaven. He is not gay.

His legend status is tenuous but he did manage to cause one of the biggest scandals in the history of the American church and simultaneously piss off at least 25 million people. Which kind of makes him a legend. He isn't gay.

In November 2006, it emerged that despite not being gay and like most straight people do, Haggard had had a three year relationship with escort and masseur Mike Jones. But is not gay.

As a consequence of his extra-marital affair, the church took quite a financial hit costing 44 people their jobs. There are also the people whose eternal souls will not be saved as a consequence of them turning away from Jesus in light of the hypocrisy shown. Despite all this, Ted Haggard is definitely not gay.

Like most loving Christians, his flock turned the other cheek as Jesus taught them and exiled Haggard from the state of Colorado. He was allowed to return a year later. During his exile Haggard underwent therapy and came to terms with not being gay but pointed out that he was now a "heterosexual with issues".

Interview with Richard Dawkins

Haggard was once interviewed by Richard Dawkins on the subject of evolution. A visibly exasperated Dawkins tried to correct some of the fundamental creationist misconceptions Haggard held but found it like trying to teach algebra to a gerbil. Haggard suggested that Dawkins should be less arrogant about his learning and that he wasn't arrogant because he "knows so much more". But apparently isn't gay.

Accommodation

Haggard lives very modestly in a hovel, worth $715,000.

Ted Haggard gives some advice on why you shouldn’t be gay

Priest (2011)

I got dragged into this film kicking and screaming and protesting how shit it was going to be. And given that it was the same person who promised me Battle: Los Angeles was going to be a good film I had good reason to protest. I figured it was going to be a horror version of twilight and couldn't be arsed with yet another vampire movie, especially since the entire genre bores me to death as a general rule. The film was refreshingly not anywhere near as bad as I feared. It had an original take on the whole vampire saga and a nice post apocalyptic landscape combined with blade runner-esque city sets ruled by a dystopian government theocracy. The film is predictably overtly religious in nature although no supernaturalism seems to be involved in the entire film so it could really be classed as pure science fiction set in an alternate reality. The creatures have little in common with vampires and are referred to throughout the film as having evolved. Their evolution subsequently leads to a war between humanity and vampires in which most of the world is destroyed and desertified. Humanity desperate and needing to turn the war around creates the ultimate weapon - the priests. After the war the priests attempt to reintegrate into a society that no longer needs them; that is until they are needed again and the film starts.

Not an amazing film but certainly enjoyable. Stars Paul Bettany, Karl Urban and Ian McKellen Christopher Plummer.

Formed in 5 Minutes!

The Commandments of the Anti-Christ

A friend stumbled me this earlier today and it piqued my interest so figured I just had to write an article about it. It concerns an esoteric granite monument in Georgia, USA which contains a set of 10 instructions inscribed onto stone tablets in eight modern languages and four ancient languages. Those languages being English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese and Russian with inscriptions in Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit and Egyptian hieroglyphs. The monument was built in 1980 and no-one has any idea where the money came from or who commissioned them. Because of the secrecy, conspiracy theories have naturally grown up around them especially in light of how controversial the instructions are. The instructions on the English glyph are as follows:

• Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
• Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity.
• Unite humanity with a living new language.
• Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason.
• Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
• Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
• Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
• Balance personal rights with social duties.
• Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite.
• Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature.

Looking at the 'commandments', they all seem pretty sensible to me. So it would seem that even though I'm not personally aware of Satan's existence, I am nonetheless in perfect agreement with him. People are naturally going to be critical of them as the first two propose very radical changes to human society as a whole. I don’t believe they’re wrong because they’re not – they’re very sensible. But as with all idealistic musings, the problem would come if someone tried to implement them to the letter. For example, a world population of 500 million is a very sensible idea – it would allow every human being alive to enjoy a comfortable western lifestyle without raping the living shit out of the planet. Currently the world population is 13 times higher than this and already putting a massive strain on resources to such an extent that ecological catastrophes are becoming the norm. There is no way to implement this instruction in an ethically acceptable manner but it’s not wrong is it? Similarly instruction two is also very sensible – guide reproduction wisely – improving fitness and diversity. For anyone who doesn’t realise why this is probably a good idea – Jeremy Kyle and Jerry Springer may prove educational – never thought I’d hear their names in the same sentence as educational. Critics have suggested this promotes a National Socialist ideology but I can’t remember the Third Reich ever being particularly big fans of diversity which kind of craps on that argument somewhat. As for the rest they deal with promoting environmentalism, establishing a world political system and new age spirituality. So naturally they must be the work of Satan.

All this logically leads to the question – where did they come from and why? Both questions that have unknowns attached to them although the commissioning can be traced to a man called R.C. Christian but the name is a pseudonym and the trail immediately goes cold. According to some sources the guidestones are of "a deep Satanic origin" and the man who commissioned them - Christian belongs to a Luciferian secret society related to the new world order. The only problem with a view like this as I see it is that none of these things has ever been proven to actually exist and this would seem kind of important if the theory is to have any merit. Another theory posits that the stones were commissioned by a super secret society called the Rosicrucian Order - this one actually has some pull since the stones are very much in line with their ideology. The most ironic thing about these stones is they seem to inspire exactly the kind of the behaviour they warn against especially in people who subscribe to the above and have consequently suffered innumerable attacks of vandalism and graffiti over the years.

Unfortunately I tend not to buy into all this conspiracy theory shit. I think the truth is that an eccentric millionaire commissioned the stones for shits and giggles. How do I know this? Well I don't for certain but it's the kind of thing I would do if money was no object - create weird shit like this just to wind people up. Still the stones do create an aura of mystery and intrigue even being referred to as "an American Stonehenge” so perhaps they weren’t a waste of money after all.

Presidential Pwnage

Poor old Donald Trump – guess he must now realise that if you mess with the bull, you will get the horns. This is some of the best pwnage I’ve seen in a while.

Ding Dong the Dick is Dead

Villains #1: Osama Bin Laden

I always have a begrudging respect for villains who are as reviled as Osama. I mean you've got to hand it to the man - he really really fucked off the Americans - a feat not generally advisable even under the best of circumstances. And also a feat that either takes serious bollocks or serious insanity. Although I'm guessing it was mostly the latter since any adherent of radical Islam is undoubtedly completely nuts.

I have to admit I had a conversation about Bin Laden a few months ago where I said I thought his fate would be similar to that of Lord Lucan - that we'd never know what the hell happened to him and that we should probably never expect to find out. Oh how wrong I was.

As we all know, after the 9-11 attacks, Bin Laden went into hiding in Afghanistan and later Pakistan hotly pursued by a mightily pissed US military. But finding one man amongst the 200 million people in the general area was never going to be an easy task and I honestly suspected that the Osama had died of ill health in the Tora Bora mountains years ago. It turns out not after all.

So after 10 years of being probably the most famous evil genius in the world since Hitler, the CIA finally figured out where he was hiding and shot him. Conveniently giving him an ocean burial as well so we can never see his corpse. I'm probably just being cynical here though, it was a victory well earned and no doubt worth a drink. Congratulations America, you earned it.

Falsifying Phylogeny Part 5

The latest instalment in the Falsifying Phylogeny series from ubergalactic super genius Aron Ra (who almost certainly deserves a legends article).

The Future is Crazy

The new emerging technology on the minds of businessmen around the world is something that has been a long long time coming. In today's world however and necessity being the mother of invention it was inevitable that it would arrive on supermarket shelves before much longer.

So we're all getting annoyed by now with the impossible spider web of wires and power lines for gadgets and electrical devices that now pervasively intrudes our lives. Probably most people hadn't even really thought about it and just generally accept it as a given but when you really think about it, it is deeply annoying having to untangle a labyrinth of wires that have gotten hopelessly mangled together somehow. And somewhat predictably a solution now exists. If I was going to be technically correct about this I would have to say that a solution has existed since the dawn of electricity - Nikola Telsa (Legend) came up with it and it was a LOT more advanced 100 years ago than it is now. Unfortunately the crazy bastard never bothered to write down how he did it so it had to be reinvented 120 years later at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Wireless electricity is the future. Without a doubt it has to be the future. I could point out the massive potential problems with this new invention such as the fact that 30% of the energy gets wasted when electricity is transported through the air - adding a massive energy burden to our already troublingly overburdened civilisation. Or the fact that electromagnetic radiation travelling through the air is likely to increase the amount of radiation a person is exposed to during their lifetime and consequently increase cancer rates accordingly. But you know what - fuck it, it's cool. And therefore we should definitely have this new toy. Just imagine a world where your phone charges itself and you don't have to plug things in for them to work. Imagine no more, it's here already.

The new technology works on the principle of near-field resonant magnetic induction. Basically two electromagnets resonate at the same frequency and power is transferred wirelessly from one to the other. Interestingly enough this is exactly how Tesla said it worked shortly before he was branded a lunatic and ostracised by the scientific community. The efficiently rates claimed - 98% of power is successfully transferred. How the proximity to the power source alters this ratio I'm unsure of for now. Some of the new technologies require the charging object to be right next to the inductive power source, some allow it to work at a distance although the efficiency is obviously further decreased the further away from the power source the inductive object is.

So what does it all mean? It means the future is going to look like Minority Report. See the video below demonstrating ecoupling technology combined with electroluminescent materials to know why.